Weddings may be steeped in tradition, but they are no longer bound by it.
Modern couples — particularly here in the UK — are discovering that wedding etiquette is not a rigid set of rules, but a set of principles that can be adapted with taste and care.
Yet with so much changing, many couples quietly wonder: what still matters, and what is no longer expected? Let us explore.
Who Pays for What?
Once upon a time, there was a strict formula: the bride’s family paid for the wedding, the groom’s for the honeymoon. These days? That is largely a relic.
Most modern UK weddings are financed by a combination of the couple themselves, contributions from both families, and occasionally other sources (grateful grandparents, for instance).
What matters is transparency. If families are contributing, it’s wise to be clear early on about what is being covered — and whether that entitles them to have a say in the planning. Clarity avoids conflict later.
Who Should Give Speeches?
Traditionally, UK wedding speeches followed this order: Father of the Bride, Groom, Best Man.
Today, this is gloriously flexible. Brides give speeches. Mothers speak. Maids of Honour take the floor. Same-sex couples reimagine the order entirely.
What matters is balance. Speeches should feel inclusive and warm, not endless. Five to seven minutes per speaker is ideal — and no more than five speakers is generally wise.
Are receiving lines outdated?
The formal receiving line — where the couple and parents greet each guest individually — is far less common these days. For weddings with more than 60 guests, it can feel cumbersome and take a lot of precious time that will eat into the schedule of your day.
Instead, many couples choose to circulate informally during the drinks reception or between courses, ensuring you do speak with everyone, without making it feel like a chore.
Do we still need favour bags?
Wedding favours were once de rigueur — sugared almonds, trinkets, tokens. These days, many couples skip them entirely, and that’s perfectly acceptable.
If you do include favours, aim for something meaningful or consumable — a small bottle of local gin, a handwritten note, or a charity donation card. Unused, throwaway favours are neither elegant nor eco-friendly.
Another modern option is to go with something like a memorable keepsake, or even a lottery ticket for the next draw. May the odds be ever in your favour.
Should we have a top table?
Tradition dictates a long top table with the couple, parents, Best Man, and Maid of Honour.
Now? Couples are, on occasion, creating more flexible seating. Some have sweetheart tables (just the two of them), others dine amidst their guests, or arrange tables by friendship groups.
The key is to create an arrangement where everyone feels comfortable and conversation flows naturally, but also one that you are both happy with.
In closing
Etiquette today is no longer about rules for rules’ sake — it is about creating an atmosphere of grace, inclusion, and warmth.
When in doubt, ask: does this choice make the day more enjoyable for us and our guests? If the answer is yes — it’s the right choice.
Modern etiquette isn’t about doing things “properly.” It’s about doing them beautifully.
